Working with Metaphors: The Key to Self-Exploration and Change

I chose the title of this article to be a metaphor. It illustrates how much knowledge about our emotions and life stages is embedded in the metaphors we use. We often don’t realize that, from an early age, we have integrated them not only into our speech but also into the way we perceive the world. Studies show that, on average, we use about six metaphors per minute in conversation. Sounds incredible, doesn’t it?

The word metaphor has Greek roots and originates from amphora – a vessel used to store valuable things. Metaphors often serve as our best tool for capturing abstract concepts, emotions, and states of being with precision. They clarify, yet at the same time, create a buffer between us and the confusion or pain they represent.

It was linguists George Lakoff and Mark Johnson who, in the 1980s, first developed the idea that metaphors are more than just a feature of speech. In their book Metaphors We Live By, they introduced the theory that the way we think, and act is inherently based on metaphors. “The essence of metaphor,” they state, “is understanding and experiencing one thing in terms of another.” More than that – from birth, we are “nurtured” with metaphors, using them from a young age to understand and explain feelings, time, space, and other people’s actions.

We associate the concept of love with a mother’s warmth.
We define time as moving “forward” or “backward”.
We describe success and happiness as “up”, while disappointment is “down”.

Over the years, neuropsychology has confirmed Lakoff and Johnson’s theories, concluding that metaphors exist within us long before they become part of our speech.

And yet, why should we strive to understand metaphors – both our own and those of others? What is the practical value of doing so?

• They help us synthesize our experiences, making them more tangible and clearer.
• They represent emotions that are difficult to process and articulate, allowing us to understand and express them.
• The metaphors we use to describe an experience have the same structure as the experience itself.
• By noticing the metaphors someone uses, we gain deeper insight into how they perceive the world.

Before you continue reading, I invite you to try a simple and playful exercise. On the left side of a blank sheet of paper, write “Life is:”. Then, on the right side, jot down all the words and phrases that come to mind as a continuation of this phrase. Give yourself a few minutes and write without stopping or overthinking. Don’t censor yourself – approach it with curiosity. Try to make the list as long as possible, but let it flow naturally without pressure.

Our metaphors change depending on our moods, context, and personal growth. One day, your list might begin with “life is a constant battle,” while on another, it could start with “life is a game.” This dynamic is important. When we pay attention to it, we not only get to know ourselves better but also approach challenges and difficulties with greater self-trust. And the best news is that by actively working to change our own metaphors, we can gradually change ourselves – in the direction we aspire to.

Psychotherapist Richard Kopp, author of the book Metaphor Therapy, claims that metaphor is a way to access the unconscious. He describes it as a mirror in which we see “our inner images – of ourselves, our lives, and others.” Through metaphors, we become aware of what is happening within us and begin to change in a healthy way.

If in the 1980s and 1990s metaphors were primarily used in psychotherapy to cope with traumatic experiences, in recent years, these techniques have been increasingly applied for personal growth, professional development, and achieving a higher quality of life. In one of my upcoming articles, I will share interesting methods and practices for experiencing the almost magical process of metaphoric writing.

In my seminars and individual sessions, I often incorporate work with metaphors. I truly enjoy sparking participants’ imagination and senses, encouraging them to enter enchanting worlds while gaining deeper self-knowledge and discovering new aspects of their lives and relationships.

If this topic intrigues you, try this exercise:

Take a handful of coins from your wallet or piggy bank. Examine them closely and describe their shape, size, color, and weight. Shake them in your palm – describe the sound. Now, write freely for a minute or two about what they mean to you.

Arrange the coins to represent yourself and your family or close friends. Assign a specific person to each coin and describe them.

Now, imagine that – due to circumstances beyond your control – one coin must be removed. Which one would you choose to take away, and whom does it represent? Write about what happens the moment you remove the coin. Now, place it back where it belongs. If there’s anything else you want to express, take a few minutes to do so.

Most likely, you had no difficulty associating people with coins – this is because metaphors are embedded in our cognitive system. However, for most of us, removing one of them provokes an emotional reaction, even though it’s just a coin. This shows that when we use metaphors, we unlock a much more emotionally charged experience than when speaking in abstract terms. Metaphors reach the core.

Pay attention to the principles by which you assigned a coin to each person. What influenced your choices – the size, color, inscriptions, or value? Each of these characteristics represents your relationships with others – and their significance to you.

Exercise by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley.